


Courage, Dear Heart

by wordscavenger



Series: Forget Not The Legacy [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Badass Finn, Drunk Poe Dameron, FN-2187 - Freeform, Finn knows where babies come from and that's about it, Fluff, Get Together, M/M, Original Character(s), Poe Pinning, Possible trigger warning: end note explanation, Stormpilot, Very light smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 11:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6151941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wordscavenger/pseuds/wordscavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Throughout his life Finn has learned to trust his gut. He listened to it when it told him to leave the First Order, to trust Poe, to go back for Rey on Starkiller Base. And these decisions paid off; he created a new life in the Resistance with people he cares about. Now his gut is trying to tell him something about Poe. Something about how he feels for Poe that the Order never entirely explained.</p><p>Poe handles this in typical Poe fashion.  </p><p>Sequel to "Dance of the Desert Sun", "Pocketful of Gordian Knots", and "Healing Hands"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Courage, Dear Heart

**Author's Note:**

> #1 Possibly Minor Trigger Warning: Explanation for this trigger contains very minor spoilers so click on the end of the work for more notes where I’ll have the information so no one accidentally reads this if they don’t want to anything revealed. 
> 
> #2 If you see a * that means there’s an additional note that has to do with what I’ve written about.

_**Facility of Advancement and Training for Future First Order Soldiers & Personal: Location System Unknown** _

 

****

“The basic concept of intercourse is simple. You need a man and a woman.”

FN-2187, otherwise known as Eight-Seven to his fellow advancement year thirteens but still FN-2187 to his Education-droids and training officers, watched as his Anatomy of the Human Species Edu-droid brought up that day’s lesson in a digital format from a data port on the main wall of the classroom.

“The female, also known as the breeder, is implanted with the sperm from a male donator-” 

“How?” Asked FN-2839. She was always asking that question, along with where and when. But never why. She learned that lesson long ago.

“You must follow the rules FN-2839.” The droid said in a patient voice. The girl raised her hand and when the droid nodded she asked the question again.

“Thank you FN-2439. To answer your question, it is through the act of intercourse, otherwise known as copulation. Or in Galactic Basic Standard: sex.”

The glowing data information changed to reveal the full anatomy of a human male and female. There were no giggling or laughing from the students. As trainees who existed in all daily aspects together since they arrived to the facility in infancy they had often been exposed to each other through drills and domestic living situations. They thought nothing of it. Gender, though acknowledged, was unnecessary inside their domain.

Only loyalty to the Order mattered.

“It is important for you to understand the significance of the purpose of intercourse for those outside of the facility. While there are an uncountable amount of other species in the galaxy, our battles and interactions often focus on bipedal beings with bilateral symmetry. Though the genetic makeup of Humanoids can be very similar, we will discuss that more in your advancement year fourteen lessons on Nemeses of the Order.”

Three-Nine opened her mouth to speak but backtracked, raised her hand, and waited eagerly for that nod again. “But how does learning about copulation help us in our battle against the New Republic?” Again. Never why.

“Excellent question FN-2839.” The Edu-droid said as it walked stiffly back to the front of the classroom so that it could lift its hand and change the data information coming from the port to expand and create more room for a new display. “This is the basic conception of a family unit of humans.”

At the word family a stillness entered the room. No one turned to regard the other. Barely a child breathed. But they all were feeling it. They had heard of this word before, _family_ , through whispers in the dark and smatterings of fading memories. And a word: love? Was that it? A word so foreign and twisted and yet it held a promise of something more that they couldn’t understand inside the facility. A father’s laugh. A mother’s touch-

“A breeder and a donator.” The Edu-droid explained, so efficient in its duties that it was unable to detect the change in atmosphere from the trainees. No one dared to break it. In front of the class a pyramid detailed categories and a list of alternate identifiers lined the wall of ever changing digitized information. “Also known as a mother and father. Together known as parents. Through the act of copulation,” on the side wall a new port opened that showed a digital display of two faceless, featureless figures moving together in unison, “they create a child through a gestation period lasting nine months. This addition to a family unit is often considered an advancement or necessity. Not only as a predisposed part of their basic need to survive located in their species DNA, as well as a societal expectation to carry on their family’s legacy. But also as a practical one as free labor to increase their status financially.”

“Now the act of copulation can vary depending on the species, but the Order only acknowledges the purest form between a man and a woman as they create the ideal image of the future race that should inhabit the galaxy.” The Edu-droid continued on as it nodded towards a list forming on the side of the diagram. “Here are some indicators that two humans have copulated.” The list included kissing, hugging and hand holding with more featureless figures acting out the described motions.

“To answer your question FN-2839, knowing these indicators are very helpful. For example, if a Rebellion leader were not cooperating with the demands of a First Order soldier or officer, he might reconsider his decisions if his breeder and heir were in danger.” The data in front of them shifted and reformed itself to show three faceless forms: a man, woman and child. “Now if the breeder were killed,” as the Edu-droid spoke a red line slashed through the female figure, “the donator would lose his chance of carrying on his genes to another heir.” A slash then went through the child. “If the donator loses his heir as well, then his gene pool has been depleted and his purpose for existing has been denied.” The droid turned to the class. “The Order rarely wants to use these methods, but extreme measures, at desperate times of course, must be taken for the good of the galaxy. And is it not selfish for the donator to deny his heir a better future if the Order doesn’t take control?” Though the Edu-droid asked this, it did not expect an answer. 

The data shimmered then faded, leaving the Edu-droid alone in front of its class. “Any questions?”

Silence…for a moment. Then FN-2187, who didn’t often like to ask questions during lessons because he too had learned his lesson once, couldn’t help himself. “How do they choose to become parents?”

“An act called courtship. The donator courts the breeder until an agreement is formed to procreate. Galactic Basic Standard identifies these individuals as a girlfriend for the female and boyfriend for the male. Often these decisions are based on physical attraction by identifying the intended individual with such words as handsome, beautiful or cute.” Satisfied with its explanation the Edu-Droid moved onto another question, but Eight-Seven added that answer to his notes and didn’t talk again for the rest of the class.  

He didn’t think much about intercourse or courting or any of that stuff again for a while. He wasn’t a woman so the idea of procreating didn’t concern him. It wasn’t a necessity in his training anyway. And he wasn’t sure how to identify anyone as beautiful or cute. Those words meant nothing to him, but must mean something to someone living outside the facility.

But he did think about family. Often.

He was told he had family with the Order.

He thought he had it with his squad

It wasn’t until years later on a Resistance base in D’Qar would he realize he had it with a pilot named Poe.

* * *

 

**_Ten Years Later_ **

__“Three cheers for the luckiest son of a Kriff in the galaxy!”

A rouse of yelling and cheering erupted in the small cantina just outside the base. A dive that catered to whoever could pay was nearly filled with jovial Resistance members of all species drinking, smiling and clapping each other on the back for a job well done.

Poe, the red faced recipient of those cheers, lifted a frosty glass of some liquid he couldn’t pronounce to cheer back a thanks to the, “Craziest sons and daughters of Kriff in the galaxy for following me on every half-cocked mission I lead you on.”

More cheers erupted and Poe, feeling like he had had his say, continued on with his own personal mission he’d begun the moment he stepped into the cantina.

Find Finn.

He knew the man was around here somewhere. Jess had long ago sent him a com saying that he should get his orange covered ass over to the bar because Finn was looking damn good in his new trainee medic blues and people were starting to notice. This immediately prompted him to bow out of a briefing as casually as he could and after he had the quickest ‘fresher of his life he double booked it to the festivities. His goal was briefly deterred by a decently intoxicated Snap throwing one enthusiastic arm around his neck and using the other to shove a drink into Poe’s hands; but now he was back on track. After a minute of weaving around his fellow Resistance members he could finally see Finn at a table with Poe’s fellow pilots: Kare, Iolo, Jess…and a few others.

One in particular was sitting right next to Finn, taking low with his arm on the back of Finn’s chair. Poe couldn’t see who it was, his back was to him, but as he made his way closer and got a better look he couldn’t help but regard the man with annoyance.

It was Jereo. A light haired, green eyed human troublemaker whose advance piloting skills were the only thing keeping him on the base. He was a tricky person to be around, but his abilities were almost as essential to the Resistance as Poe’s. A damning reputation followed him constantly, and though Poe was never one to judge, he was not please by how the man was leaning forward into Finn’s personal space and making him laugh.

That was most definitely Poe’s job.

“The great defender returns!” Kare announced when she saw Poe approach their table. Ever in a quest to get Finn and Poe together, something he was on and off grateful for depending on her current scheme, she forced Jess and Iolo to move so Poe could squeeze into a chair next to Finn. Both his teammates grumbled at the unnecessary shifting yet neither bothered to fight with Kare. They knew it was fruitless.

Poe knew he should be annoyed at how obvious she was being, but that quickly dissipated the moment he was snuggled up against Finn, offering him a bright, “Hello.” Finn _did_ look good in his trainee medic blue jump suit. Especially with Poe’s former jacket draped over them, patched up the best he could with shaky tired hands beside Finn’s bedside during his long recovery. The sight unfurled a longing he long ago accepted and had no idea how to make a reality.

Before Finn could answer Jereo cut him off. “Glad to see you could grace us. How’d the debriefing go?” He took a long drink from his glass, nearly draining it, and Poe tried not to wonder how many he’d already had. Half his prior issues occurred with alcohol in his system, and some people needed just enough liquid courage to fuel the fight they were already looking for.

Annoyed at not being able to talk with Finn, he addressed Jereo but placed hand on Finn’s knee as an apology. He didn’t want to get Jereo riled up by ignoring him, but he didn’t want to blow off his friend either. “Good. The General was pleased with the results.”

It had been a simple snatch and grab gone wrong. A First Order sympathizer tagged a Resistance outpost offering classified information for off-planet protection and credits. The catch: the deal would only be accepted if General Organa herself promised it. In person. Yet when Poe and his crew went to investigate this proposal and offer assistance to the small outpost they came across a trap laid out by a militia that was not directly affiliated with the Order but still sympathetic to their cause in being anti-New Republic. However, never call Poe and crew unprepared. Having once been caught by the Order it was an experience Poe never wanted himself or any of his soldiers to experience again by any enemies of the Resistance. Prepared for a possible attack they immediately went on the defense, then quickly turned to the offence before the resulting battle, while fierce and messy, was eventually victorious.  Their spoils were not only the baiting sympathizer, currently in the Resistances custody, but hordes of correspondence between the militia and other new but high profile faces involved in taking down the New-Republic that were unknown or anonymous before.

Poe knew he should have most likely stayed in the debriefing longer, but he would catch up on all that information eventually as it would take time to sort it all out. For now though he wanted to celebrate with his friends, and especially with Finn.   

“Well while you were playing catch up with the higher ups, we were doing some catching up of our own with the great deflector here.” Jereo said, suddenly wrapping an arm around Finn’s neck to seem like a gesture of comradery and good well.

However, Poe could feel Finn jerk under his hand at the sudden arm-hold around his neck and began to strain to keep his reflexes still at the aggressive touch. Such an act around someone Poe was pretty sure Finn didn’t know very well instantly triggered his defense mode and Poe knew Finn was trying hard to control his instincts to act.

His protective nature for Finn immediately took over and Poe quickly threw back his drink, draining it in one long gulp, before saying to Finn in a voice haggard by a deep burn from the alcohol, “Would you like to get another drink?” The man shot him a grateful look before nodding, letting out a breath as his reflex’s relaxed then moved to get up, prompting Jereo’s arm to slid off. Poe looked at his friends who bore a mixture of surprise at Jereo’s gall to grab Finn like that, sympathy for Finn’s predicament, and amusement at Poe’s attempt to rescue him.

They both pushed back their chairs and left the table to walk over to the bar. When they reached it Poe immediately asked, “Are you alright?” He watched Finn as they slid into stools, his movements slow and deliberate.

Frowning, Finn folded his arms onto the bar’s table and sighed. “I was hoping people wouldn’t notice that. I don’t want them to think I’m a ticking time bomb ready to explode if they brush up against me wrong.”

“They don’t think that Finn.” Poe said, and just to prove it he slid a hand onto his friends shoulder. The man relaxed instantly. “We just know better than that. And Jereo’s just trying to get a rise out of you. You know that right? He’s always looking for a fight. He’s the ticking time bomb. Not you.”

Finn turned to him with a smile and said, “Thanks. And-I’m glad you made it back okay.” He appreciated Poe’s confidence, but didn’t want to dwell on what happened back at the table.

Poe leaned on the bar top as well, tilting his head towards Finn before he smirked and said with slight humor in his voice, “Worried about me were you?”

Instead of a roll of the eyes or the sassy remark he was expecting from his friend, Finn seriously regarded him. “Of course. I’d be devastated if anything happened to you.”

The sincerity of his words floored Poe, shooting to his gut and almost making him a little dizzy. The weight of war was heavy on everyone so most of the time he and his crew took to joking and teasing each other to lighten the gargantuan weight they bore daily. Rarely did they voice their true emotions, even though they all felt them deeply and truly.

Poe had to clear his throat after a moment. “Thanks buddy. That means a lot.”

Finn furrowed his eyebrows at the tone of Poe’s voice. “You knew that right?” He paused to sit up a bit, his posture full of worry. “You know how important you are to me. Right?” Finn leaned further into Poe’s space, and Poe could almost smell the engine oil on Finn’s jacket that rubbed off on it the last time he and Finn worked on the X-Wing together.

It made his mind spin and his stomach tumbled again…a little too much.

“Too much spinning.” Poe said, causing Finn to look confused. “What? Poe are you okay?”

Poe pushed his eyes shut and ran a hand through his curls, trying to center himself even as he felt like he was floating away. What the hell was wrong with him? It almost felt like he was-

Wait. _Wait_.

He turned to look for Snap, mumbling, “What was in that drink-” before he tumbled out of his seat; his face meeting the floor with an ungraceful thud.

From above he could hear Finn yell, “Poe!” Then two hands grasping his shirt to maneuver him out of the heap of limp limbs he suddenly found himself in. Once on his back impossibly loud footsteps thundered next to his head, and he could barely focus on the large fuzzy figure looming above the other fuzzy figure, which he assumed was Finn, hovering over him.

Snap’s voice was like the lighting that followed a thunderclap in a storm: sharp, bright and splintering. “Don’t tell me you shot it. Buddy you never shoot your drinks I thought you were gonna sip it like you always do or I would’a never given it to you.”

“What was in that drink?” Finn asked Snap.

“Shh-” Poe tried lifting his hands to quiet the room, because they were being very rude with all the yelling, but he was pretty sure only his pinky lifted off the floor.

“Dunno its official name but it’s nicknamed Floordrunk by the trainees. Said if you drink it wrong that’s where you end up.” Snap turned to Poe. “Guess the name doesn’t lie.”

“Help me get him up.” Finn said, throwing a limp arm over his shoulder as Snap reached for the other. When he was upright he flailed a bit before leaning against the bar. Which he never wanted to leave. Ever. He wanted to ask Finn if it would be alright if he just crawled up on top of it and stayed until the sun burst, but all he could get out was, “Engh.” and then dropped his head onto the bar’s table with a loud thud.

“I need to get him back to the room.” Finn said. “Help me get him to the Landspeeder?” Snap nodded but before he grabbed Poe again he said, “Wait. You been drinking?”

“I don’t drink.” Finn said and Snap nodded. “Right. Forgot.”*

They successfully dragged him to the Landspeeder but had a hard time getting him to stay in it. Poe continuously wrapped himself around Finn and wouldn’t let go, pouting every time Finn asked him too.

Snap thought it was the funniest damn thing he’d ever seen.

“Where’s BB-8 with his recorder when we need it.” Snap giggled as Finn frustratingly for the eighth time tried to buckle the man in before the man promptly unbuckled it to crawl onto Finn’s lap.

“What is wrong with you?” Finn asked as he gently pushed Poe back into his seat before reaching for the buckle once again.

“You’re not holding my hand. That is a gross violation of this relationship. I’m going to add it to the rules.” Poe said, his voice slurring a bit but his eyes were bright as the stars he flew with.

“What rules?” Finn asked as this time the buckle clicked. When Poe went to unbuckle it Finn grabbed the man’s hands and said, “Do not unbuckle this seat belt or I swear by the stars above Poe you will regret it.”

Poe pouted for a moment then said, “Rule number twenty-four: no threating Poe when he’s drunk.” He snuggled into Finn’s side when Finn turned the Landspeeder on. “ _Especially_ when he’s drunk.” Poe closed his eyes before Finn could ask again what he meant by rules. He didn’t dare wake Poe when he started to snore. At least he might be able to get back to the hanger without Poe trying to unbuckle himself again while they were in transport.

A small flash drew him back to Snap who was standing next to R2-D2. Finn had no idea when it had arrived. “Looking good guys!” Snap called out with a double thumbs up as the little droid beeped at them before turning around and heading back towards the cantina. At the entrance Finn noticed a figure watching them, but couldn’t make out who it was.

“Did you just take an image data download?” Finn asked, confused as he turned back to Snap. He felt like he had been nothing but confused since Poe first showed up at the party.

“What?” Snap asked, smiling unconvincingly. “Fly safe. We’ll check in on you guys in the oh hundreds.” He gave Finn a small salute, winked, then jogged after the droid.

“Crazy Resistance pilots.” Finn grumbled as Poe snuggled closer to him, wrapping an arm around Finn’s arm so he had to drive one handed.

“You so owe me pilot.” Finn said as he started driving the Landspeeder.

Poe only drooled on his jacket in answer.

Almost a half an hour later he had finally dragged his staggering bunkmate to the door of their living unit. Finn was desperate to get him inside but was constantly being deterred by Poe’s attempts to hold his hands.

“Love your hands.” The man said grasping onto them for the fifth time. “Best part of my day s’when I get to touch you.” His speech was still slurred but at least he was upright, for now.

However Finn felt like he was about to buckle under Poe’s words. The man said and did things to him that spun him around like nothing he’d ever known. There was an almost burning inside that remained elusively nameless and just out of reach in their relationship. Finn wasn’t sure what it was but he was beginning to suspect Poe felt it too. Whatever it was.

“I like holding your hands too.” Finn said calmly as the pilot backed him up against the door, finally letting go of Finn’s hands, which he then took the opportunity to quickly grab his key card from his jacket. Poe then wrapped his arms around Finn’s waist to slide up to his back before burying his face in the crook of Finn’s neck.

“Buddy.” Finn tried as Poe squeezed him tight, and Finn thought he would burn up from the inside. He needed to get Poe into their room because he was out of his depth here and at the very least wanted to get Poe into bed if he started to collapse again.

“You promise?” Poe whispered as he turned his head, hot breath against Finn’s ear that caused shivers he didn’t know he was capable off from places he didn’t know existed.

“Promise.” Finn said, though he wasn’t sure what he was promising exactly, and instinctively slid a hand up into Poe’s curls to placate him. “Can we go inside now buddy? Please?”

Poe let out a moan when Finn touched his hair that made Finn gasp and yearn to hear it again. “M’not your buddy.” Poe finally mumbled with a petulant pout. Finn rolled his eyes and didn’t take him seriously. Since the alcohol entered his veins his attitude had been swiftly swaying back and forth from cheery kid to sodden toddler.

“Okay. You’re not my buddy. Can we go inside-”

Suddenly Poe leaned back so that their foreheads were touching. “No. Don’t understand. More than my buddy. So much more. And I want more.” He pulled back a little bit so they were looking at each other. Poe brought his hands up to cup Finn’s face and said with a seriousness Finn didn’t know Poe capable of, “Do-do you want more too?”

Having no clue as to what Poe was asking, Finn fell into the default-mode that started when he found himself with a handful of drunk Poe: agree to everything.

“Sure Poe.” Finn said and couldn’t help but smile when Poe took his hands away and fist pumped the air before letting out a loud whoop he often yelled when flying his plane. Finn was even happier when Poe grabbed the key card from his hand and wacked it against the scanner a few times before it beeped and turned green, Poe cursing loudly before it did so. When the door whooshed open a charging BB-8 beeped cheerfully at their return.

Grabbing Finn’s hand, Poe nearly dragged him inside, exclaiming excitedly to his little droid, “He said yes! Finn said yes.”

A series of excited beeps erupted from the droid who spun its head to regard Finn. Unfortunately, Finn’s attempts at learning Binary were still intermediate, so he could only shrug at BB-8 and shake his head. “He’s had, well, not a few, but one drink. One really, really strong drink.”

BB-8 seemed to roll its one eye at Finn before it turned to regard its master who was currently shucking off his clothes and leaving them in a trail where they fell.  

Finn watched in a mixture of amusement and helplessness as BB-8 followed Poe around yelling a series of beeps at him that he promptly ignored. “I don’t know what you’re talking about BB. He said yes.” Poe explained when he was down to resistance issued under garments, which basically looked like black boxer-briefs. He suddenly spun around almost comically, stumbled a bit, then breathed into his hand and winced back at what he smelt. He started heading towards the ‘fresher, mumbling, “Teeth. Jeez I better brush em cause stars I smell like Tauntaun. Gotta make sure the first one is the best.” He went in and slammed the door shut behind him. Finn made a move to follow in case something went wrong, which he was then proven right about when he heard a loud crash and some clattering coming from inside the ‘fresher before Poe yelled out, “I’m okay!”

But he’d only taken a couple steps before BB-8 zoomed right in front of him, beeping wildly at him. Finn held out his hands and jumped a bit when the droid opened its port for its zapper to come out. “Woah woah hold on there BB. I have no idea what’s gotten into him okay?” BB beeped again but Finn just shook his head. “Sorry little buddy I’m not there yet I don’t have a clue about what you’re saying.”

Suddenly the door to the ‘fresher opened, revealing Poe with his hair slicked back a bit with water and a speck of toothpaste on the corner of his lips. Finn had to admit his heart stuttered a bit at what he saw. Growing up with the Order the only bodies Finn saw and interacted with were mostly fit and well-toned individuals but ever since moving in with the Resistance he’d been exposed to so many different body types. And just like how he enjoyed the diversity of his squad members unsheathed from their gear** he loved the differences in body types among the people he’s come to know. The burly, stocky build of Snap. Kare’s soft curves and small hands. Rey’s body as long, lean and sturdy as her staff.

But Poe’s body was by far his favorite. Though the pilot was expected to maintain a certain level of fitness as a solider, his toned arms and cut shoulders lead to muscles knitted across his back that were offset by a small softness around his belly that Finn thought was adorable and for reasons he didn’t understand wanted to run his hands across it and up to Poe’s chest peppered with dark hair. His black undergarments were a contrast against his dusky skin as he leaned against the doorframe with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. He tossed a small towel over his shoulder before he said in a deep and husky voice that brought about a repeat of Finn’s shivers, “Like what you see?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he took a step forward towards Finn.

And then promptly fell over.

“Poe.” Finn said in exasperation but with a fondness for the man’s energy, even if he wasn’t sure of its source. He dashed over to Poe who had rolled onto his back and looked up at Finn breathlessly as he said, “I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Okay.” Finn laughed as he bent down to help Poe sit up.

“Didn’t want you tasting Tauntaun breath your first time.” Poe mumbled as he stood and leaned against Finn who led him to their sleeping area.

“O-okay.” Finn said confused again but by now what else was new? He turned to Poe with a frown before he shook his head and decided to tuck that question away for a sober Poe in the morning. When they finally came to his bed Finn slid Poe’s arm off him to maneuver the man onto the sheets. 

“Okay Poe. Time to get some rest-oh hey!” Finn exclaimed as Poe gently pushed him onto his bed.

“Poe?” Finn asked, not sure why his friend was grinning at him widely before crawling onto the bed with him. He didn’t stop Poe because while he hadn’t a clue as to what had gotten into his friend, at least he knew if anything got out of hand he had to admit he was trained in enough self-defense that he could easily get out of it. And while he didn’t want to risk hurting his friend he also didn’t want this to exactly stop either. Curiosity had finally gotten the better of him and maybe he should just trust his gut and see where this leads? He just really wanted to understand. That was all.

Or at least he told himself that as Poe continued on in that husky voice that was causing Finn to shiver even more and feel a tightness between his legs he wasn’t altogether familiar with, but not altogether unfamiliar with either. “Been wanting this for ages. I’m going to be so good to you Finn. Treat you the way you deserve to be treated baby. Gonna do you so right you’re never gonna want anyone else.”

Finn blinked widely at Poe, confused but at the same time desperate to see where this was going. The way the man moved, breathed, _existed_ was causing Finn to wonder if he was somehow getting a contact buzz from him because his breathing was starting to get erratic and his head pounded with a strong yearning of want that matched a growing need between his legs. He didn’t know what Poe was promising, but he could already tell that he wanted it and only wanted it from him.

Eventually Poe had crawled on top of Finn, who went still as he felt Poe’s body rest gently on him. His scent, his touch, his everything wrapped around Finn like a vise. The man above smiled and leaned forward until their foreheads gently touched. “Get ready baby. Because I’m gonna have you seeing stars all night long.”

Then he fell into a heap on top of Finn and promptly started snoring.

For a moment Finn didn’t know what to do. Poe was exactly where he wanted him to be, on his bed, but this wasn’t exactly where he expected _himself_ to end up.

It wasn’t entirely unpleasant having Poe on of him, Finn thought, though he was disappointed at not discovering what Poe was promising. He was warm, and the closeness filled Finn in a way he didn’t realize was empty to begin with. He was familiar with the term cuddling, and assumed this is what it was; something he definitely wanted to explore more of in the future. However, he suspected that cuddling wasn’t exactly what Poe was talking about when he was promising a ‘long, good night’. Familiar memories were tugging at his mind that he intended to examine as soon as he got the man off of him.

After waiting a few minutes to see if Poe would wake on his own, and if he were being honest he didn’t really want it to end, he slowly and gently rolled Poe off of him. The man stirred and opened his eyes a bit to regard Finn, drowsily asking with confusion, “Wa-was it good for you?”

Finn rolled onto his side and slid a hand through Poe’s hair, loving how the man practically purred and nuzzled into the touch. “It was great.” Finn answered with a small smile, again agreeing to something he wasn’t sure of. Poe slid his hand up to grasp and intertwine their hands, then slowly fell back into sleep.

Finn stayed like that with Poe for a long time. Thinking.

And remembering.

* * *

 

“I think Poe wanted to kiss me last night.”

Jess blinked up at Finn who was standing in her doorway at stars only knew o’clock in the morning. Her head throbbed and she had to place a hand over her right eye because the light behind Finn’s head was blinding.

“W-what?” She croaked.

Finn tilted his head, a little confused, before his eyes widened in realization. “Oh. Right. This is the hangover part right?” He nodded when she moaned. “Yeah I left Poe some water and painkillers. I’m assuming when he wakes up he’ll need them.” He tilted his head towards her kitchenette. “Want me to get you some?”

She didn’t risk the nod, just waved him inside before she walked back to her bed and crawled under the sheets. She wondered if she could just sleep the day away when she heard Finn return and tug gently at her bed sheet. “Rise and shine star fighter.” He said gently with a slight laugh at her anguished moan.

They had grown closer after the incident in the hanger.*** When Jess awoke in medical and found out Finn had been the one to save her leg, and let’s face it her life, she had been extra vigilant in becoming closer to the man. True she owed him, but also she found that she just generally liked being in his company. Not that she hadn’t liked him before, but she wanted to give him his space in finding his own way in the Resistance and for him to become closer to Poe. But they’d instantly clicked during his visits to her bedside in medical and she was grateful for his time and friendship. And she knew he was grateful for hers as well. Especially after Skywalker came back from his mission to find his Padawan Rey in medical and rushed her off base to planet unknown as soon as she was awake. Finn could count the amount of friends he had on one hand but she proudly considered herself one of them and wanted to prove it in any way that she could.

She sat up and drowned the offered pills before throwing back the water. “Ugh. My mouth taste like the sand pits of Tatooine.” Finn had pulled up a chair next to her bed and was sitting beside her. She shook her head to clear her mind a bit before she blearily regarded Finn. “Okay. Let’s try this again.” She took a deep breath. “You. Poe. Kissing.” She leaned back down onto her bed but kept her eyes on Finn. “Go.”

“If-if this is a bad time-“

 “Go.” She repeated with a roll of her eyes. These two had been dancing around each other for long enough and if they were finally on the path to starting a relationship she wanted to help in any way that she could. Hangover from hell be damned.

Finn sighed before he relayed the story to Jess. How Poe was drunk but wouldn’t stop touching him. His words, his actions. Jess was enraptured as Finn spoke, her eyes widening when he came to the part where Poe got him onto his bed.

“So Poe starts climbing on top of me.” Finn explained as Jess breathed out a, “Yeah. Yes. Then? And?”

Finn’s hands dropped to the side. “And then he passed out.”

Jess’s mouth fell open. “He passed out? He fell asleep?”

Finn nodded. “Yep.” He shrugged. “I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did. He was pretty drunk.”

Silence held in the room for a moment before Jess flung off the sheet in a fit of rage and exclaimed. “I’m going to kill that Kriffing good for nothing nerfherder-”

“Hey.” Finn said, confused but also a little angry at Jess for calling Poe those names and not knowing why. “Don’t call him those things. And what are you talking about?”

Ignoring how adorable it was that Finn was defending Poe, Jess stood on wobbly legs to run her hands through her hair. This pinning romance stuff drove her crazy but she knew she couldn’t just tell Finn how Poe felt.

“Okay. Sorry. Strike that from the record, Poe is not a nerfherder. Just drives me crazy how close you two got-no never mind. Okay back to the subject. So you think Poe wanted to kiss you last night. Is that a problem for you?” She walked over to her kitchenette to grab a honey melon before she plopped herself back onto her bed. Her mind was hurting less and she felt a little clearer now that she’d had pills and water.

“I’m a male.” Finn explained slowly.

“So?” Jess asked as she offered Finn a piece of her fruit.

“So…that’s a possibility? Men kissing men?” Finn asked, accepting her offer. “I thought that stuff was only for-you know-men and women.”

Jess couldn’t help but think it was way too early for this conversation. She didn’t know the lengths of Finn’s knowledge of relationships outside the Order, but she was beginning to see just how limited it was. And how much he could learn. If he wanted.

“Yes. It is a thing. It is definitely a real thing. Men kissing men. It’s a thing Poe likes as well.” She sighed as Finn jerked a bit at hearing Poe’s name. “And why do you think it’s only for men and women?”

“First Order human focused evolution sessions explained it as a necessary physical protocol for increasing chances of intercourse which would then lead to procreation.” Finn explained. He missed the stricken look on Jess’s face as she tried to school it into nonchalance, but in reality was tucking it away for a discussion with Poe. It was always jarring to hear Finn talk about the Order. Especially when it was about his training and lessons. He almost sounded like a droid and so different from the Finn she had grown to know. “As far as I know human men can’t procreate with other human men so there was never a reason for well-for a similar relationship.” Finn continued on before he paused. “But you’re saying that men can treat each other in that same way?”

“Men and men. Women and women.” Jess shrugged. “Species and species. It’s all a lot more open than what you learned in the Order Finn. It’s not always about procreation when it comes to that kind of stuff. You know-intercourse. It’s about-um-well being close to people. And showing affection for someone who you care more about than other people.” She took a big bite. “Sorry you missed out on so much buddy.”

He was about to ask another question but suddenly his datapad started beeping and he stood. “Sorry I have to get to training.” He started heading towards the door before he said, “I’ll see you later?”

Jess nodded then called out. “Wait! One quick question.”

Finn turned back to her. “Yeah?”

“If-if Poe was trying to kiss you, would that be okay? With you?” She knew she shouldn’t ask it but she couldn’t help herself.

He blinked, considering the question for a moment, then said. “I-I think so.”

After he left Jess his mind was swirling with questions. So people could show affection for each other if they weren’t married. Or engaged. Or if they were both the same gender and opposite species. And even if they weren’t trying to procreate.

Interesting.

As he walked his mind was so busy sorting and organizing this new information that he almost collided right into someone.

“Woah there defector. Don’t want to start taking out Resistance members now. People will think twice about letting you stay here.”

Finn looked up to see Jereo in front of him with his hands up like he was surrendering, a sure grin on his face. Finn didn’t trust the man. His gut had told him from the moment they met that something was off about him, and considering Finn had been pretty lucky in trusting his instincts so far, he wasn’t ready to stop just yet.

“Sorry man.” Finn said, nodding and starting to walk around him, but Jereo sidestepped to keep Finn in front of him.

“Hey. I just wanted to say on behalf of everyone that it was a very good run.” Jereo said with a grin.

Finn’s gut was now telling him to just walk away, and okay while he _often_ listened to his gut, and it didn’t mean he was now going to stop; just sometimes he wasn’t always going to follow what it wanted.

“Oh?” Finn said. “How’s that?” He took a small step back, not liking how Jereo was standing close to him with that damn grin he couldn’t read.

“The virgin Stormtrooper pool.” Jereo reached into his pocket. “We’ve been betting on with who and when you were going to get your starblossom popped.” He shrugged. “I lost a month ago but since you and Poe finally got it on we had to call it.”

“We?” Finn said, frowning at the data card Jereo held up. He was slowly starting to catch onto what Jereo was implying, even if he didn’t entirely understand all of it. Embarrassment flooded his stomach that Resistance members were regarding him in such a way, like his life was some game and his past a way to pass the time. It hurt, bad, but he wasn’t about to let Jereo know that.    

“Me. Some of the other pilots. A good chunk of the ground infantry.” He held out the data card to Finn. “Poe’s cut of the winnings for being the one to do you in. I saw the way he was all over you when you guys left the cantina last night. Knew your virgin timer was finally up. The way he was acting I was surprised he didn’t just shove it in before you even got on the speeder.” Finn took the data card Jereo offered but clenched his fists when he mentioned Poe. He wasn’t sure what he was saying but the way he was saying it was seriously grating on Finn the wrong way.

“I don’t know why you called me a virgin.” Finn said with heated annoyance. “I’m not a woman.”

Jereo’s eyes widened in surprise then let out a loud laugh that made Finn embarrass all over even though he didn’t know why. When the man was chuckling softly he stepped up close into Finn’s personal space, grinning that sly grin again as he backed Finn up against a wall. He leaned an arm along the wall near Finn’s side, effectively trapping him in with his body. Quietly he said. “Oh Finn. You’re way more of a virgin than I thought.” He stepped even closer, and Finn was vibrating with strain to not push him away, his gut now a blaring alarm of warning that this was something he didn’t want. “You know, I could show you all the things you’ve been missing. More things than you could believe that would exist in the galaxy.” He paused for a moment before scrunching up his face. “But you might want to get checked up first to make sure you’re clean. Guy like Poe probably gets around a lot. Who knows how many species he’s been with?”

Finn didn’t get the reference. Didn’t know what Jereo was trying to promise. Trying to imply.

But what he did understand was he just said something bad about Poe.

So he broke the man’s nose.

* * *

 

Loud banging erupted from outside his living unit, causing Poe jerk awake. “Evasive maneuvers!” He exclaimed before falling on the floor in a heap of blankets.

As he rolled over onto his back with a groan he watched as an upside down BB-8 beeped miserably at him before rolling over to his door to unlock it. It whooshed open and two sets of boots walked into the room. He recognized them immediately.

“Snap. Jess.” He groaned before he gave a little huff as he tried to turn over, failed, and then asked. “What in General Organa’s name happened to me last night?”

“The same thing that happened to us.” Jess moaned as she climbed onto his bed, curling herself around his pillow.

“Only you had it way, way worse buddy.” Snap said as he sat on the edge of Finn’s bed, looking down at Poe with a suspicious smirk.

“Worse-” Poe began confused, then gasped and sat up. “Finn.” The room spun and he had to lay down again.

“Yep.” Both Snap and Jess said in unison.

“Oh stars.” Poe moaned, running his hands through his hair. “What did I do?” A million terrible possibilities entered his mind and the only thing keeping him from running out to find his friend was his terrible headache keeping him firmly grounded.

Jess pointed to the small table separating the two beds. “Drink your water and take the painkillers Finn left for you then hop in the ‘fresher.” She sighed. “You have a long conversation ahead of you.”

* * *

 “And that’s how you wrap a splint.” Dr. Kalonia explained as she acted out the procedure on the med-droid sitting on the bed in front of them in the med-unit training area. Finn already knew how to do this, he’d even done it before in the field when he was younger, but didn’t say that. He knew he was working from the bottom to take in all the training he might need, and he was sure there were techniques and different ways of doing the job that he’d never learned before.

He decided to join the medical team to train as a field medic not long after his discussion with Poe about how he felt about helping people. It was something he had never thought himself capable of, but only because it hadn’t been a path that the Order set him on. Now that he was working to learn about this trade he realized how much he enjoyed it. He still collaborated with other parts of the Resistance by offering them his help on battle skills, First Order intel and ground combat training. But his main focus now was on becoming a medic.

According to General Organa he’d ‘broken a lot of hearts’, whatever that meant, when he joined the med-team. Apparently there had been a sort of bidding war for Finn to join different parts of the Resistance and various Senior Officers were disappointed that he hadn’t chosen to work with them.

Finn wondered how much down-time the Resistance had to be spending so much time betting on every little action of one former-Stormtrooper.  

She undid the splint and gave it to Finn to have a try. After he took over Kalonia suddenly asked, “Were you expecting company?” Finn looked at her, confused, as she nodded towards the door to the room. He turned to see what she was looking at.

A small opening in the door revealed a worried Poe pacing back and forth in front of the door, oblivious that his presence had been detected.

“Uh-not exactly.” Finn answered truthfully. He’d been busy with training all day and had missed both lunch and dinner. He figured he would just talk to Poe after he got back to their living unit that evening.

“Let’s see what he wants then.” Kalonia said with a small smile. She walked over to the door and pushed the panel to open it. Finn felt a little guilty at surprising Poe, who jumped at the Doctor’s sudden appearance. He nodded to her saying. “Dr. Kalonia.”

“Commander Dameron.” She answered with a small amused nod back. “What can we do for you?”  

“I’m uh here for Finn.” He answered then blushed heavily before running a hand across the back of his neck before he regarded his friend. “I uh-I need you.” He began, then blushed even harder with his eyes wide as he continued. “I mean I need you to come.” He groaned and ran his hands through his hair to take a deep breath. “I need you to come. With me. On business.” He let out a sigh. “Official Resistance business. Of-of great importance.”

Finn hadn’t a clue as to what was causing Poe to act so weird, but he couldn’t help but chuckle a bit as he turned back to Dr. Kalonia who looked even more amused, but was wisely remaining silent. “Do you mind?”

“Not at all. In fact I have a meeting this evening.” She turned back to Poe with a smile. “Of great importance as well. So I will see you tomorrow.” She turned to Finn, ignoring the way Poe winced a bit and looked up at the ceiling with a red face. As she walked back into the room she clasped Finn’s shoulder. “Fine job today Finn.”

Finn nodded, a little embarrassed at the praise, he’d always been embarrassed at praise,**** and said his thanks before he walked out of the room. When the door shut behind him Finn he walked up to Poe, took his hand in his and gently asked, “How’re you feeling?”

“Like I just took on the First Order single handedly and as expected got my ass served right back to me.” Poe answered with a relieved exhale that Finn didn’t seem upset. He experimentally curled his fingers around Finn’s hand. “Do you mind? Coming with me?” Poe winced then started stuttering again so Finn quickly cut in with a laugh. “Yes. I know that line to Kalonia was just to get me out of there so whatever you need just yes.”

Poe laughed as well and shook his head, then nodded down the hallway. As they started walking Poe’s mind whirled with trying to figure out different ways he could begin the conversation he wanted to have, but Finn beat him too it by reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small data card.

“I was told to give this to you.” Finn said and handed out the card to Poe who took it with a frown.

“What is it?”

“According to Jereo your winnings.” Finn said with a shrug.

Poe stopped short at hearing Jereo’s name. “My winnings?”

Finn shrugged again. “Yep. Credits. Apparently there was some bet going around about my virginity. Which-I didn’t even know men on the outside were considered virgins. Just women. Jereo said you won because you took it last night.” He paused for a moment and then said in a confused tone. “And there was a pool involved? I think? Though I’m not sure how getting wet has anything to do with my newfound virginity.”

Poe was stunned silent, trying to organize Finn’s explanation. After a moment he slowly said, “So-wait so people were betting on when you were going to lose your virginity?” His fists clenched as anger welled up in his chest. “And they thought you did last night. With me?”

Finn nodded. “Yep. You’re the winner. Or maybe winner? I’m pretty sure we didn’t have intercourse. At least not the kind I’m familiar with. Which is, you know, normally between a man and a woman. But Jess said that men and men can have romantic relationships too so-um.” Finn trailed off, blushing a little.  

Poe was silent for a moment then broke the data card in his hands before throwing the pieces against the wall. Finn to look at him in surprise, not used to seeing Poe angry or reacting in such a way.

Poe growled as he paced a bit, running his hands through his hair in aggravation. “I can’t believe they did this. It’s wrong. It’s so wrong.”  He suddenly stopped and stepped forward towards Finn, earnestly saying, “You know I didn’t know about this right? That I wasn’t involved?”

Finn blinked, surprised, like the concept never crossed his mind. “Didn’t really think of that. Mostly because I know you wouldn’t do something like that.” While Finn was pretty embarrassed about having to have this conversation in the first place he mostly he felt bad that Poe was so upset by it. “It’s okay. Really.”

But Poe blatantly disagreed. “I’m going to kill Jereo. And them. All of them. Whoever them are.”

Finn rolled his eyes and started walking again, trying to lighten Poe’s mood. He wasn’t going to let a bunch of people he didn’t know or care about dictate how he felt. He’d been through that enough with the Order, and had to learn to trust those who mattered to him. “Pretty sure those are grounds for expulsion from the Resistance. Or incarceration.” He turned to Poe. “You guys have that too right?”

Poe didn’t answer. He was too wrapped up in anger and guilt and nagging frustration to speak. Instead he grabbed Finn’s hand and turned him away from the path to their unit where Finn thought they were going and instead led him in the direction of the hanger. He didn’t let go of Finn’s hand, and instead threaded their fingers together. Finn was confused, which was nothing new for him by now, and let himself be dragged along after Poe.

Eventually they arrived at a Landspeeder that Poe indicated Finn should get on. Finn made a joke about seat buckles and rules, but Poe didn’t get it so Finn left it alone until later. Poe wasn’t off the hook quite yet.

“Okay.” Poe said. “From the beginning tell me what he said to you.”

As Finn explained his interaction with Jereo, Poe drove them outside the base for a while, weaving through a forest trail as he listened intently to Finn’s words. His fists tightened on the wheel when Finn told him about what Jereo said about showing Finn certain ‘things’.

“He Kriffing said that too you!” Poe shouted, causing Finn to turn to him in surprise.

“You said pretty much the same thing to me last night.” Finn explained as he watched Poe’s face turn a little ashamed and even more than a little red. “So you _do_ remember last night.” Finn smirked at Poe’s wince and how he ran a hand raggedly through his hair.

“Yeah.” Poe moaned. “I’m really sorry for that. I know you must be confused. Jess pretty much told me as much when she said you stopped by this morning. It’s why I wanted to get you alone so we could talk. About things. And-um stuff.” Poe mentally kicked himself at sounding like such a damn idiot, but pumping himself up to breach the possibility of having a relationship with Finn was turning him around in circles.

It was Finn’s turn to blush when Poe mentioned his visit with Jess. He was hoping to keep that between she and him, but apparently that wasn’t going to happen. “So you’re going to explain what all those things are you guys wanted to show me?” Finn couldn’t help but ask.

“First of all, if it’s alright with you, I will be the only one explaining _and_ showing you things.” Poe said as he slowed the Landspeeder when they reached a large valley. Finn leaned forward with a smile as he took in the view of the mountains by a large river flowing at a rapid pace because of the beautiful waterfall in the distance. Sometimes the war encased their lives so fiercely that they forgot so much beauty lived right in their backyard.

“Poe this is beautiful.” Finn said, turning to Poe gratefully.

“Yeah well.” Poe began as he parked the Landspeeder. “I know last night and today has been kind of crazy for you and you have a lot of questions so I thought why not just take a break from the base and be alone somewhere nice.” He stopped short and said, “To talk. Just talking I swear.”

Finn hopped out of the Landspeeder and Poe reached into the back to pull out a large, tattered blanket Finn recognized from their unit. He followed Poe out to the field until they reached a section Poe seemed to like. He laid the blanket down but didn’t sit, instead he regarded Finn nervously.

“Do you think I’m going to hurt you or something?”  Finn asked, confused as to why Poe was acting so strange.

“What? No.” Poe exclaimed, then deflated a bit and said, “I don’t know. Maybe. Not-not like you might be thinking. Things are just so crazy right now.” He gestured towards the blanket, “Let’s sit okay?”

Finn plopped down as did Poe, who sat a bit of a distance away, as if separating himself from Finn was going to help him with the conversation they were about to have.

With a sigh Poe turned to Finn and said, “Okay. I’ll just start. I have a couple of questions but if you feel uncomfortable with the conversation or you don’t want to answer any of the questions you don’t have to. Okay?”

“Okay.” Finn said, his stomach jumping a bit at the realization he may get some of his own questions finally answered.

“Imagine Rey-no not a good example at all, um Jess or Kare naked.” Poe said. “Actually imagine any woman naked.”

Finn frowned before he said, “And…why should I do that?”

“I want to know if that turns you on.”

“Turn-turns me on to what?” Finn asked and Poe shook his head. “Okay that-well that kind of answers a lot of questions.” He sighed. “Okay have you ever seen a naked woman before? Or a man?”

“Of course.” Finn answered, though he was now more confused than he was when they first started talking. “Lots of times.”

“Okay.” Poe said, trying to sort his thoughts through this muddled haze because he was saying the word ‘okay’ a lot even if he didn’t feel like anything even close to that word at all right now.

“And what was happening during those uh naked times?”

Finn shrugged. “Um-end of mission recharge process in the squad’s unit ‘fresher. During Trials. Punishments.” He looked up at Poe. “But what does that have to do with us?”

Poe was frowning at him now, and he realized he was gripping the blanket tight when he heard the word punishment. A million horrible thoughts filtered through his mind, and he could barely keep his voice even when he asked. “Punishments?”

Finn looked down at the blanket, seeing Poe’s hands. He reached out and grabbed one. “Remember-when I told you about the cold ‘freshers?”***** He gently pried the hand free, and smoothed it down as if he were smoothing down Poe’s growing rage.

Poe could only nod as he remembered that night.

“Sometimes if we failed as a group the cold ‘freshers were a group punishment.” He looked up at Poe. “But it’s okay Poe. I’m not going to go through that anymore.”

“Shouldn’t have had to go through it in the first place.” Poe gritted out before he closed his eyes to focus. He didn’t want thoughts of a shivering, blue lipped Finn trapped under a hammering wall of icy water but damn that image was hard to push aside.

“Hey.” Finn whispered, shifting to pull Poe closer to him. “Hey. It’s okay Poe. Please. I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about this. About us.”

Poe sucked in a breath through his nose before he opened his eyes, focusing on Finn’s soft smile and kind eyes illuminated by the settling dusty sky and the hint of twilight in the distance. Yes, he could push those thoughts away.

For now.

In an effort to keep the conversation focused he said, “Okay…we’ll go into that stuff later.” Later, but not too much later Poe decided. If this relationship was going to happen Poe wanted to know ahead of time any possible hidden triggers so that he could adamantly avoid putting Finn in.

Deciding to finally take the plunge, Poe said. “So. Okay um-let’s talk about us. About what happened. I know you talked with Jess about it already-”

Finn blushed and looked away. “Um-I was hoping to keep that between her and I.”

“She didn’t tell me much; just that you guys talked about a couple of things.” He shook his head. “Finn I’m so sorry.”

That caused Finn to look back at Poe, confused. “What?”

“I didn’t even think that you wouldn’t know about sex the way we do. I just assumed-and it was presumptuous of me. And the way I acted last night.” He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. “I can only remember bits and pieces but BB, Jess and Snap happily filled me in on the rest.”

“Oh.” Finn said dejectedly. “So-so you really didn’t want to-“

“No!” Poe exclaimed, “The problem is I do want to-“

“Then how is that a problem?” Finn cut in quicker and more desperate than he realized. He looked away, almost feeling like he shouldn’t have said anything at all.

Poe sighed, knowing he couldn’t hold it back anymore. This needed to be addressed. “You told Jess you thought I wanted to kiss you-and well you were right.” He took a deep breath. “But I don’t go around kissing people who don’t want to be kissed. Nobody should. It isn’t right and it wasn’t right of me to try and force you into something we both weren’t one hundred percent on the same page about.”

Finn’s heart twisted at Poe’s dejected look and tone. “Poe you didn’t know what you were doing you were drunk-”

“It’s not an excuse.” Poe cut in, his voice tense.

“Poe-” Finn tried again but Poe lifted a hand and said. “I’m serious Finn. Me being drunk is not an excuse. It’s never an excuse for anyone. I swear I will never hurt you but the way I acted last night was incredibly out of line. If something is going to happen between us I want to do it right. You deserve to have it done right.”

“I-I think I did want it. I just-I don’t know exactly what it is.” Finn tried. “But part of it is kissing right? That’s at least one thing you wanted to do?”

Poe couldn’t help but smile fondly at Finn’s words. He knew the man wasn’t naive or innocent in any way. He just simply didn’t know about sex and relationships the way they were outside the Order. But just like with everything else he’d learnt since defecting he could make the choices to accept and reject what he was exposed to. “Yeah. Kissing can be a big part of it.”

Finn bit his lip as he tried to word what he wanted to say. He thought he _knew_ what he wanted to say but now everything was a bit discombobulated. “And kissing is what two people do who are courting, right?”

Poe blinked, trying to place the word. “Courting…you mean dating?”

Finn nodded. “Right. That’s basic slang for courting, I think.” 

Nodding Poe answered, “Essentially yeah. If they want a physical aspect to their relationship.” He paused for a moment the asked. “Finn. What did the Order teach you about…courting? If anything?”

“So…okay so the Order taught us this: man plus woman equals child. You courted to mate and through intercourse procreate an heir for evolutionary and financial reasons. That was essentially the sole purpose for intercourse, according to them.” Finn looked down at their joined hands and swallowed. “They-they talked about family: names, roles, responsibilities; that sort of thing. But it-it was more like some kind of deal. You take care of me so I’ll take care of you. Is it? Is it always like that?”

“No. Not always.” Poe answered, then quietly asked the question that had been burning on his tongue for ages. “What about love Finn?” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Did you ever learn about falling in love?”

He could see Finn straining, then his face softened a bit. “I know about the word love. And…I’ve heard of using that word when it comes to families and courting. Yeah. Older recruited trainees talked about it sometimes when I was younger. I’d forgotten that word can be used in that context. It was rarely ever used during my advancement years. But yeah. I know what you mean.” Suddenly realization etched into his features and he then said, “Stars. I’m the biggest idiot in the galaxy.”

Poe laughed, surprised. “And how is that?”

“Because I’m in love you.”

Poe was sure he had just died. That was not what he was expecting. He was expecting to coax and coerce an unbelieving Finn into trying to understand the meaning of the word. And not expecting him to say it for some time. But once again the former Stormtrooper surprised him. He didn’t need to have it explained because most of the time love couldn’t be explained. You just…knew.

“Finn-” Poe breathed out but the man cut him off.

“That’s what this is right? Love?” He laughed and shook his head. “I love you. And Rey. And our friends. And BB-8 even if he does threaten me with his little zapper sometimes.” He laughed again and then softened at the look of surprise and fear on Poe’s face. He placed a hand on Poe’s cheek to caress it away before he said. “But I love you most of all.”

Poe’s breathing stuttered and he reached up to grasp Finn’s hand. “How can you be sure? You-you know so little of the world outside what you grew up with-” Poe tried then had to stop because he couldn’t breathe. Desperation clawed at him to not let himself be pulled in unless Finn was sure because if he was he would never be able to let go.

Finn shot Poe an annoyed look. “I grew up with the Order Finn, not in a cave. I knew people. I cared for them. We fought and laughed and talked and existed together.” He pulled down Poe’s hand to tentatively test out kissing the knuckles on the back of it. Poe watched speechless. “I rejected the Order and their way of life, not the memories of those I once knew. But I’ve never felt for any of them what I feel for you. I’ve loved you all this time without even knowing it. Without even knowing the word for it.” He looked back up at Poe whose mouth was hanging open, his eyes wet with the realization that he was so very, very gone. “Even though I don’t really understand how to show you how, I do Poe. I love you so much.” He shifted closer to Poe, whispering inches away from the man. “Will you show me?” 

“Stars Finn.” Poe whispered brokenly before he drew the man in for a crushing kiss ages overdue.

He hadn’t expected Finn to really know how to kiss so it was sloppy and slow and disjointed and oh so amazingly perfect. After he got that burst of passion out of him he pulled back, took in a breath and whispered, “I love you too. Finn. So much.”

Finn smiled and gave the air a little pump, remembering how excited Poe was when he first thought they were getting together the night before. “I had a feeling you felt the same way.”

Poe smirked and pulled Finn back in, kissing him slow and sweet to let him get used the motions of their first step in physically showing their love for each other.

As ever, Finn was a quick learner.

Eventually Poe pulled back, but only just so, not wanting to break contact with Finn completely. “We should slow down.” He gasped breathless even as Finn shifted impossibly closer to him.

“Why?” Finn asked, his eyes a little glazed and he couldn’t stop smiling. Kissing was _awesome_.

“Because I don’t want to rush this. It’s all new and there’s a lot to it; learning what you like and don’t like.” Poe closed his eyes to will his steadily rising needs down to even them out.

“But what about what you like?” Finn asked genuinely curious.

Poe wrapped his arms around Finn and laid down, adjusting the man so that he was resting on his chest, his head nestled on his shoulder. “I’ll like whatever you like.” Poe answered honestly looking up at the stars and marveling at how he could be so impossibly lucky.

“Somehow I have a feeling there’s a lot more to this than that.” Finn said, snuggling into Poe with the realization that he most certainly did like this part at least.

“I’m serious.” Poe said. “I haven’t been around a lot but I’ve always kept an open mind when it comes to sex.”

“Been around?”

“I haven’t had a lot of sexual partners. About a handful at the most.” Poe explained. “I’ve always liked this more.” He squeezed Finn closer then looked down at him with a soft smile. “Maybe it has something to do with how much my parents cared about each other, that under all those one-nighters this is actually what I’ve always really wanted. Being with someone I cared about too.”

Finn wrapped a hand in Poe’s shirt and pulled him down for another kiss that Poe happily complied too. When they finally parted Finn smirked and said, “I knew Jereo was a liar.”

Blinking at how Finn could possibly learn to become such an amazing kisser in only ten minutes, it took him a moment before Finn’s words registered. “What? Jereo? What did he say?”

“Because he thinks we had inter-er that we had sex when he was propositioning me-”

“Flirting.” Poe gritted out angrily. “We call it flirting and if I ever see him do that again-”

“He won’t flirt with me again. I promise.” Finn smoothed down Poe’s shirt to placate the man tense with what Finn couldn’t help but wonder if it was jealousy.

“Look Finn I know we’re together now but that doesn’t always stop someone from trying to take you away-”

“I broke his nose.” Finn cut in but said it with no remorse.

“You-what?” Poe couldn’t have been more surprised. He suspected Finn could be dangerous considering his training but he’d always kept himself under control no matter the situation. He hadn’t a clue as to what could have set the man off to cause him to attack Jereo, despite the fact he was sure the man most likely deserved what he got.

“He indicated you weren’t clean in some way because he assumed you’d had an excessive amount of sex with other species.” Finn shrugged. “At the time I didn’t really get it, kinda still don’t, but I could tell he was insulting you. So I broke his nose.” He managed to look at least a little regretful when he added, “Not the best way to start out a career as a medic though. I’m supposed to report for a behavioral training session tomorrow but I’ve heard those aren’t too bad-“

Finn never got to finish his sentence.

Poe launched himself on top of Finn to cradle his face in his hands and gave him the most mind-blowing kiss of his life. Considering his only experience with kissing was this evening, he knew he had plenty more of these amazing kisses ahead of him.

“Kriff Finn. How are you so perfect? You defended my honor without even realizing it?” Poe panted in between kisses.

“Do anything for you.” Finn whispered knowing it was true.

Moaning at Finn’s words, Poe panted from on top of him. “Is this okay? Is this alright that I’m on you?” Poe mentally berated himself. He really needed to start asking Finn if it was okay to do something _before_ he did it.

Finn could only nod and pull Poe in for another one of those amazing kisses.

A tightness curled below his stomach and he felt himself harden the way his member did sometimes in the morning and pleasure similar to how he felt the night before with Poe was slowly making itself known again. He now assumed that intercourse was pleasurable or else why would people want to do it if procreating wasn’t involved? Though he wasn’t sure of the entirety of the logistics of sex between two males, he knew he could rely on Poe to show him. 

Experimentally he lifted his hips, brushing them against Poe’s, and received a delicious surge of pleasure. The man above him tensed and let out a shuddering breath when he pulled his head away.

“Finn. Are you sure?” His voice sounded absolutely wrecked. His eyes were wide with lust and his hair a mop top mess under Finn’s fingers.

In answer Finn experimentally tightened his fingers, causing Poe to shiver and clench his eyes shut, unable to stop the moan that gritted out through his teeth.

“Make me…please just make me feel Poe.” Finn begged, finally ready to know what he had been missing for so long.

Like a damn breaking in two Poe was driven apart. He crushed his lips against Finn once more before nearly dragging himself away to repositioned himself on Finn, then tentatively ground his hips down so their erections could brush together, causing Finn’s eyes to flutter shut and his head to fall back as even more intense pleasure swirled between his legs. A part of him wanted to ask what this was called but another part of him just desperately cried out for more, _please_ more. A message he mirrored with a long wanton moan he barely recognized coming from his parted lips.

“Kriff Finn. Those noises you make.” Poe whispered before doing it again.

 Finn was unable to contain himself when he clenched Poe tight and whispered brokenly, “Don’t stop.” Poe could only bury his face into Finn’s shoulder and start moving in a jerky rhythm to grow the pleasure surging between them.

Hot breath caressed Finn’s neck and though he wanted to see Poe’s face he wouldn’t take the risk to move in case Poe stopped. Pleasure unlike any he’d ever known was transferring back and forth between him and the man above him, and with every movement he felt like he was getting closer to something he’d been heading towards for a long time.

Suddenly Poe clenched around him, swearing and stuttering. “No wait damnit-I-I can’t-” He pushed himself up and for a moment Finn panicked that Poe was going to stop but instead he took Finn’s hands and brought them above his head, lacing their fingers together before leaning down to capture Finn’s lips once again. At this angle Poe increased his thrusting at an even pace and suddenly Finn had to jerk his head away to cry out with clenched eyes as pleasure exploded from inside, his hips jerking upwards in reaction as he felt warm liquid release from between his legs.

“Poe. Poe. Oh stars Poe.” Finn gasped as he turned back to Poe whose own eyes were closed in pleasure, his mouth hanging open as it drew in short breaths. He released Finn’s hands, cradled his face once again, and then captured his lips as Finn felt Poe’s body jerk sporadically above him, heated whimpers escaping from Poe’s mouth as they kissed.

“What just happened?” Finn whispered after a minute of holding each other, breathing heavily as Poe gave Finn soft kisses along his forehead and face. He knew it would be an uncomfortable ride back to the base with the stickiness in their pants. But it was worth it. So very worth it. 

The pilot smiled before he slid off Finn, pulling him close so he could cradle the man against his body.

After taking a moment to compose himself, Poe whispered with a voice full of emotion. “That was us making love.”

Finn grasped onto Poe, his body alive with more energy and emotion than he’d ever felt before. “Making love?” He really liked the sound of that. “Was-was that all the things under the galaxy that what you wanted to show me?” Finn joked, looking up at Poe with a wide smile. “Maybe Jereo might know a few things you don’t. Considering you’re not as sexually active as he thought.”

“Brat.” Poe said affectionately then gently rubbed his nose against Finn’s, surprised at how incredibly mushy this man made him. “Trust me when I say there’s plenty more than that that I will show you.”

He pulled Finn impossibly closer to him then growled. “More and better than that nerf guzzler Jereo.”

Yep. Definitely jealous.

“So.” Finn said with a smile as he pushed himself up onto an elbow so he could look down at Poe who regarded him with so much love he didn’t know how he’d ever lived without it until now. “So. There’s one thing you might not remember about last night that I think I might need some clarification on.”

“Oh Kriff.” Poe moaned as he lifted a hand to rub his eyes. “Okay. Shoot. What other stupid thing did I do on the long list of stupid things I did last night?”

“Well I was told in no uncertain terms that I was apparently breaking a rule of our relationship. Rule number twenty-four I believe? No being mean to drunk Poe?” Finn asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Care to elaborate on these particular rules? Specifically rules number one through twenty-three? Or any others that follow twenty-four?”

Poe looked at Finn quietly for a moment before grabbing the man and dragging him close, kissing him senseless once again.

“Rule number seven.” Poe said as he pulled back briefly to catch his breath. “Poe gets to kiss Finn instead of answering questions he thinks better left unanswered.” And then began to kiss Finn again.

Finn let Poe continue kissing him, but knew the man wasn’t going to get away that easy. He was definitely going to enjoy learning the rest of these rules, along with many other aspects of their new relationship.

**Author's Note:**

> #1 Trigger Warning: At one point in this story a very drunk Poe is under the impression that Finn wants to hook up and acts in a certain way where he thinks it’s going to happen but in a bumbling aw shucks kind of way. It’s meant to be a funny scene with a lot of Poe acting silly because he would never hurt Finn. Poe is not aggressive or forceful and I make sure to note that Finn can get out of the situation if he wants. Nothing bad happens and there is a happy ending. 
> 
> #2 If you see a * that means there’s an additional note that has to do with what I’ve written about. 
> 
> *Why Finn doesn’t drink will be addressed soon in a chapter in my "Pocketful of Gordian Knots" story Part #2  
> **This was directly mentioned in Finn’s chapter in the published prequel novel "Before the Awakening" by Greg Rucka  
> ***From Part #3 of this series "Healing Hands"  
> **** This was also directly mentioned in Finn’s chapter in the published prequel novel "Before the Awakening" by Greg Rucka  
> ***** From Part #2 of this series "Pocketful of Gordian Knots" Chapter 1 called "Hot Showers"


End file.
